Healthier Lifestyle Journey
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Getting Here: On Massage Therapy, Entrepreneurship, Diet & Exercise and Urban Living

Healthier Lifestyle Journey

So -- I and about 34,000 other people have a blog site that chronicles their diet and exercise program.  I guess they hope that people will read it and be inspired by their progress, be educated by their epiphanies about health or feel a sense of "belonging" by reading about someone in a similar struggle.  I have no such illusions. No one is going to read this.  Well... four people will read it: Annie (adorable friend), Mark (dutiful husband), myself and some random stranger who has insomnia and finds this blog eight months from now in some long and twisted Google trail.  And as far as inspiring, educating or providing a sense of community... well... I can't seem to inspire MYSELF past the next thing on the to-do list and I do not have the patience or the energy to educate MYSELF beyond what I NEED to know. Now... sense of community, of belonging, of not being alone?  Of all the things I could do, THAT would be the one I'd want to accomplish for anyone... myself included.

That being said, let me tell you my tale.  I joined the gym a week ago.  The Pinnacle Club in Omaha, Nebraska.  I haven't belonged to a gym in a decade.  Not much has changed.  Same sites, same sounds, same smells.  Fewer classes.  More TVs.  Bigger variety of cardio machines.  Still... it's the same animal it was before.  As am I.

I'm partial to the elliptical machine.  I like to put the headphones on, listen to heart-pounding fast-paced music and sweat to the beat.  Makes it seem more like dancing and less like exercising.  Time goes faster.  So I'm pumping it out to Slade this morning.  Working hard.  Sweating.  Enjoying the music.  Surrounded by mirrors.  MIRRORS!  What is up with that?!

All I can think about it how disgusted I am by what I look like.  I'm reminded of Jeff Foxworthy's joke: "If your butt and thighs look like the top of a white van after a hail storm, maybe spandex isn't the best choice for you."  <sigh>  I look TERRIBLE.  Maybe I should buy some baggy sweat pants, I think. My arms remind me of my grandma Anna and how she used to let me pretend the fat on her arms was a little swing.  I should just keep my arms down to my sides of I'm going to wear short sleeves.  And... Oh Dear Lord... is that a DOUBLE CHIN!? GAH!

I'm tired.  I'm tired of being fat.  Especially since I LOST ALL THIS WEIGHT just three years ago. But I'm tired of all the camouflage too.  After an entire life of being just on either side of the border between "healthy" and "fat chick", I am now a fat chick.  I don't like it and certainly would like to step back across the border to healthy, but I'm tired of trying to hide it.  <wiping tears, laughing at myself>  It'll make for a better "before and after" right?

I had a great local photographer take "before" photos of me back in January.  I was all excited about changing my health. I wanted photos that were nice, but showed me "as I am".  Now... nearly three months later.  There hasn't been any change.  I'd told him and myself that I'd have a photo shoot every three months to "chart my progress".  I'm not looking forward to the next photo shoot. <more tears>  Two and a half months of the SlimFast 3-2-1 plan.  (Reducing my daily caloric intake by about 1000-1500 calories.)  Two and a half months of increased activity, including the last week adding a daily workout at the gym.  Nothing.  NOTHING.

So what do I do?  The next thing.  Work.  Housework.  Workout.  Take care of myself... I mean a person HAS to take a shower, right?  I've done the "social networking" thing and have gotten some good advice from Facebook friends, from the receptionist at the gym and from my husband.  So - maybe this will be a brand new sta.... NO! I''m tired of starting all over again too.  (Geez! I really AM tired!)  I'm just going to go on.  Just keep going.

You?  Feeling frustrated?  Join the club.  Want to cry?  I've got a shoulder and I've got tears to share.  Need someone to be accountable to?  Need someone to shoot ideas to or get ideas from?  I'm here... if you want.  I'm no fountain of wisdom, but I've been there, done that, am there, doing that.  Shoot me a comment here or write to me

Good luck.  See you in a few days.

46 Comments to Healthier Lifestyle Journey:

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Annie Davis on Monday, March 21, 2011 4:58 PM
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! I have NO and I mean NO will power!!! I make a decision to eat healthier and it seems like that will always be the night that Noah and his girlfriend decide to make PUPPY CHOW!!! REALLY?? Not like I'm going to leave that alone! Every single step is such a battle!!! I know that people don't consider me fat, but I'm not happy with what I see after the jeans come off and I'm looking down. :) One of the best motivators that I found - seriously? I saw a "profile pic" on facebook of Scott's ex-wife. It's actually a picture of a ticket that she received for public intoxication. That wasn't the best part - the best part is that she is 4 years older than me and weighs 14 pounds less than me!!! My goal now?? To lose 15 pounds! Will it work? I'm trying harder than ever before, but time will tell. Right now? It's time for dinner. (sigh)
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Becky on Monday, March 21, 2011 8:42 PM
I hope the ex-wife motivation works well for you Annie. There's nothing like a little irrational jealousy-driven competition against someone who couldn't hold a candle to you. GO FOR IT!

Deb on Monday, March 21, 2011 6:19 PM
Losing weight is never an easy task, especially with a thyroid issue. I realized that all that unnecessary dieting I did in my formative years was likely the cause of my demise. I killed my metabolism and getting it revved up again is no easy task. I've successfully lost 28 pounds over the past few month, pounds I needed to lose but all of it as a result to overwhelming grieve and stress. As things plateau out and I'm not sad anymore, I find myself getting back into the old habits. I wish I could say I love to exercise but that is just not the case. Asthma is the primary culprit as it is easily induced with exercise but I can hold my own walking 3 miles. Another obstacle is I don't like to walk alone. I like someone to talk to and enjoy the time with and unfortunately, I can't seem to find a walking partner at the times that I'm available. This time of year is nice and certainly easier to walk in; however, in another month, the heat is going to start to be a factor and I'm not a big fan of sweating anyway so there is another 'excuse' for sitting in my chair and watching mundane shows on TV. I have been receiving Advanced Neuromuscular Massage treatments over the past 2 years (sorry Bec's, another therapist cause I live 1000 miles away) to combat sciatic pain and extremity numbness. It has helped immensely which is why I can still walk 3 miles, Thank the Good Lord. I don't have a problem limiting my food intake and eating healthier. My biggest obstacle is exercise. I don't really want to lose another 30 lbs due to unneeded or unwanted stress/grief. Life is too short for that. I do find that I am content with the person I am today. To expect more is to put an unrealistic expectation on myself. I strive to do the best I can each day. Some days are better than others. I get frustrated just like everybody else, but what does that serve. It just makes me want to delve into a pity party for myself and find comfort in food. Today,I say, I refuse. Happy day everyone. :-)
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Becky on Monday, March 21, 2011 8:51 PM
Ah yes, Deb. I can relate. Preparing for that tiny little window of time, energy, weather and health to be able to exercise and then having that be the one time that you can't motivate yourself to do anything. Here's hoping that your laid back attitude continues to keep you from the grip of debilitation frustration. :-) Keep getting massages!

Jim on Monday, March 21, 2011 11:24 PM
Tell me about it. I've been running my ass off, but no weight. Seriously. I weigh the same now as I did before I started to "kick my training in gear". Oh well, I tell myself that muscle weighs more than fat, so it's okay that my weight isn't dropping. So, when are we doing pics? :)
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Becky on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 7:06 AM
Middle of April Jim. Give me til the middle of April.

Becky on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 7:06 AM
Middle of April Jim. Give me til the middle of April.

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